When my children were little having time for myself was almost non existent, however as they grew I realized how much of my self I have lost. I can blame toxic relationships, work, children, family, however it was me. I didn’t put myself first. True, I did not have a lot of support. I pushed some of my support away, some left as I was no longer in a “partying stage”, some did not like my spouse. and some just fell away. It’s not in the support though it in the amount of time you invest in yourself.

Investing in myself took little things like 10 minutes a day to read, a shower with a locked door so the kids couldn’t come in, sitting in the yard reflecting. This wasn’t enough, by the time my husband had died I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t recognize myself. I was so stressed, overweight , and had no idea how to do most things in life. I knew how to work, come home, go to bed, and spend money. Not a great place to be.

I started losing weight immediately which was great, but I also was making some really bad decisions. Focusing life on fun and not where I should be. That summer I went to so many concerts I don’t even remember how many there was. Ficusing myself on other things not myself.

Today is the eight year anniversary of Gary’s death. In those eight years the last two years has been the most successful for me. I have learned to have quiet time in the morning with meditation, reading scripture, self help and inspirational books, and journaling. I can’t wait until I get older and can go back and read the journals to see how I grow. I alo found a church. I know not everyone who reads this is spiritual or believes, however for me a church family was what I was craving. I have learned to be in the present. Finding yourself is different for everyone and not an overnight process. It really takes a long time time to see what works for you.

It is a joy to me to share what I am doing in life. I can only pray that someone is reading and can resonate with what I am writing. Please let me know in the comments any topics you are interested in.